


By your side

by SwanFloatieKnight



Category: Arthurian Mythology, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, Established Relationship, Evil Uther Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Kilgharrah is actuallly helpful for once, M/M, Magic, Manipulation, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Protective Kilgharrah (Merlin), Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:08:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23086777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwanFloatieKnight/pseuds/SwanFloatieKnight
Summary: Uther disapproves of the relationship between Merlin and Arthur. So he decides to get Merlin out of the way. It's pure luck that Arthur and Gwaine find him in time.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 358





	By your side

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MikaylaJae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikaylaJae/gifts).



> who wanted me to _surprise_ her xD
> 
> honestly I don't know from what corner of my mind this inspiration came from. But I'm glad it did. Even though that meant that I had to write this in 2 hours in the middle of the night, so forgive me that the plot isn't deep or anything. Just hurt. I tried to make it as plausible as possible.  
> also yessss I am very well aware of how inaccurate this is and that Merlin should probably have died. But hey I'll just use his magic as an excuse. I'm sure this just kept him alive longer than a normal person should have been xD

A/N: I posted this fic on Ao3, and on Ao3 alone. If you read this on any other website or platform, please consider that I did not consent to this.

* * *

“He doesn’t love you. He never has. But you weren’t seriously so foolish to believe that, were you? A serving boy and the crown prince.” Uther snorted and turned to Merlin who was by now trembling and fighting back tears.

He didn’t know what Uther had put into his drink, but it was clear that he wanted to get rid of him. After he had drugged him Uther had been going on for almost two hours about his relationship with Arthur, had told him how Arthur just used him for lust when he saw it fit, that his feelings were faked and that Merlin didn’t mean anything to him.

At first Merlin had tried to fight the drugs in his systems that made him weak and nauseous. He didn’t want to believe a single word Uther said, but by now he was feeling so dizzy and his mind was doing funny things that wanted him to think what Uther said was true.

Uther probably saw that the drugs were taking effect because he grinned wickedly at Merlin. “So, anyways, what will you do now? No matter if Arthur loves you or not, I will never accept it. You are a disturbance in this court and I will get rid of you.”

Cold fear crept up in Merlin’s chest at these words, but he couldn’t do anything against Uther who now led him out of his chambers and into a dark corridor. Merlin’s knees were shaking, his head spun and his whole body ached. His hearth though was worst. After everything Uther had told him Merlin felt like it was already bleeding out, beating painfully against his rib cage.

He had told him that Arthur didn’t love him. That hurt him the most. Merlin had believed in their relationship and their future together. He loved Arthur, still loved him no matter what Uther wanted him to believe. But now Uther had told him that Arthur didn’t love him back, that this had been nothing more than a dream, and Merlin had woken from it only to see that reality was colder and more cruel than he had expected it to be.

Slowly, Uther took Merlin’s hand and made him pull out the small dagger that Arthur had gifted him only a few days ago. “You know what you have to do, right, boy? It’s quite easy, actually. You just take it… and put an end to your misery.”

The drugs made Merlin’s head spin. The metal was shining in the bright day light, cool and tempting. The edges were sharp enough to cut skin. Surely it would cut easily through his. And maybe, if he only got it deep enough, he could pierce his aching heart with it and be at piece. No more worries about Arthur. An end to his misery.

“Yes, you’re a good boy, right? You can do this for me. Get out of my way, leave my son alone. Forget about your destiny.” Uther smiled coldly at him. “Just a short stab, then you’ll be free.” With that, Uther turned around and left him.

Merlin’s hands were shaking. Something deep inside him was still trying to fight Uther’s manipulations, but he was tired, and the dagger in his hand felt so good. He wouldn’t have to face Arthur with all his hurt. Arthur wouldn’t have to act pitiful when he told him that their relationship wasn’t destined for a future together. It would be better that way.

When he drove the blade into his abdomen, deep into the soft flesh that gave way to the sharp and cool metal so easily. The pain felt almost relieving. It matched the pain in his chest, the pain in his soul, and when he moved the knife further down the blood running over his skin warmed him in a strange way. He stood there and watched the blood running down his body in sick fascination, how it was soaking his blue shirt and his trousers, dripping onto the light stone floor. It soothed his broken heart in a strange way.

Only this soothing effect didn’t last long. Suddenly, Merlin saw black spots floating into his vision, the floor beneath his feet tilted, and when he collapsed onto the floor a searing pain shot up through his whole body from the point where the knife was still embedded in his guts. Merlin couldn’t suppress a groan. Still the blood was flowing from the terrible wound in his belly that he had inflicted on himself. Merlin started to grow cold. His hands were cold, his lips were cold, the sticky blood flowing freely out of him was cooling, he started to shake. Slowly, his vision dimmed, and with a tired sigh he closed his eyes…

Only a few moments later Arthur and Gwaine passed the corridor and were distracted by the soft moans that could be heard. They went looking after the source and to their horror found Merlin lying in his own blood, already unconscious, rapidly bleeding out from a huge wound in his abdomen.

“Oh god, Merlin!” Arthur fell to his knees and cradled Merlin’s head in his lap. Merlin didn’t react, he was too far gone already. “Merlin, please, talk to me!” He started crying, desperately trying to get a small sign of life from Merlin, another one than his laboured breathing that was slowing with every passing second.

Gwaine managed to stay a little calmer. He inspected the wound and the knife and checked Merlin’s pulse. “He’s too far gone and the wound is too grave. I don’t think we can do anything for him now. Not even Gaius can.” He pulled the knife out of the wound, carefully as not to bring Merlin further pain. “You gave this to him, right?”

Arthur nodded, pale and disturbed. “Yes. Do you think he... he did this himself? That he... But why?” He looked away, not able to bear the look of Merlin’s deathly pale skin, his torn guts and all the blood everywhere.

“I can’t think of another explanation.” Gwaine carefully reached out to touch Arthur’s shoulder. “Also, there is nobody here that could have done it. By the speed he’s bleeding out at we would have at least heard another person walk away if one would have been with him.”

Arthur nodded. He knew that Gwaine was right, but what could possibly bring Merlin to kill himself? A sob shook him, and then another one. He hid his face in Merlin’s dark hair. “Don’t die, love, please. Don’t leave me. What am I supposed to do without you now? Tell me, there must be a way to save you.”

Gwaine gave him an embarrassed look. “I don’t think there is anything we can do for him now. Only magic could save him now. And I mean powerful magic, not the few spells that Gaius can practice. If it’s not already too late.”

“Powerful magic…” At these words Arthur’s eyes lightened suddenly. “But of course! The dragon!”

“What dragon?”

Gwaine was confused, but Arthur just told him to help him carry Merlin down the stairs towards the dungeons. He didn’t explain anything to him and Gwaine was certain that Arthur had already gone mad with grief when they went even deeper than the regular dungeons into the catacombs of Camelot that few people ever entered. Merlin was probably dead by now anyways. He had lost so much blood already. But Arthur apparently knew what he was looking for, judging from the determination in his steps, and when they turned around another corner and passed through an iron-barred gate Gwaine started wondering if the rumours about the dragon living beneath Camelot might actually be true. And if they were, if that dragon would want to help Merlin. It was a dragon, after all. You could never know in what mood they were. Maybe it would manage to bring Merlin back to life. Maybe all three of them would be roasted. You could never know.

Only a minute later he found out that the rumours were, in fact, true. They had reached a dead end and were looking into a huge and empty cave. Well, not empty, because on a rock opposite to them sat a huge, golden dragon.

“What happened to the young warlock?” the dragon asked, and his voice sounded more concerned than Gwaine had expected that a dragon could sound.

“He’s nearly gone,” Arthur told him. “He’s stabbed himself and lost a lot of blood. Please, can you heal him?”

The dragon looked at Arthur. “I can try and heal his body, young Pendragon. But the damage that was done to his soul is a different matter. It will take you time, and patience. Yet I believe that you can heal him.”

“I will definitely try.” Arthur gulped around the lump in his throat. He didn’t want to start crying again. Not in front of the dragon. “But please, you must save him.”

The dragon nodded. He blew a glowing blue magical mist from his nostrils. Merlin was lifted up from the ground where the two knights had placed him. He was floating in the air, his skin glowing golden while the dragon’s magic did its work and the golden tendrils were mending the torn flesh in his abdomen. Finally, the dragon put Merlin down again.

“His body is mostly healed, but all the blood he has lost I cannot give him back. It is still about him to decide whether he wants to fight or not.”

“Thank you.” Arthur looked down at Merlin who was still deadly pale, but seemed to be breathing a little easier now. “Please, if you know who did this, tell me. Who made Merlin do this to himself?”

The dragon gave him a strange look. “It was your father. He drugged Merlin and made him do it. It shouldn’t surprise you that he doesn’t approve of your relationship. I bet he senses the danger that you two and your destiny are for him.”

“I bet,” Arthur sighed. “Well, thank you, Kilgharrah. For everything.”

“Do not thank me yet.” The dragon suddenly sounded very old and sad. “It is not certain that Merlin will live.”

“I know. But at least you gave him a chance.”

Gwaine had watched the conversation between the dragon and Arthur in awe. When now he took Merlin up again and helped his friend to carry the unconscious young man out of that cave and to Gaius’ chambers, he wasn’t sure what to make of this. They were talking to dragons now, apparently. He had known that there was something magical about Merlin, but dragons were a deal much greater than he had expected.

Yet all of this shouldn’t concern him now when all that mattered was that Merlin lived. And that still looked to be highly unlikely. He had nearly bled out in that corridor, and he and Arthur had taken their time to carry him down to the dragon. Merlin had lost so much blood. It would still be a miracle if he lived. Actually, the biggest miracle was that he was still alive.

Judging by the grim look on Arthur’s face he was thinking the same, but he gave Gwaine a forced smile when they placed Merlin on his bed and said: “Don’t worry. He’ll get through this, I’m certain. Merlin is a fighter.”

Gwaine looked doubtful, but didn’t say anything.

Arthur had decided to keep vigil next to Merlin’s bed after Gwaine left, and Gaius had gone to sleep after there had been nothing more he could have done for Merlin. That was why Arthur was the first to notice the high fever Merlin started during the night. He had fallen into a restless sleep, was tossing and turning weakly, his white skin burning so hot that Arthur finally woke Gaius. He just had to make sure if there wasn’t something he could do for Merlin.

Gaius checked Merlin’s pulse, his heart rate and temperature before turning back to Arthur. “I believe it’s his magic. It’s trying to save him, cleaning his body from the drug that is probably still in his system, and I guess that’s the cause of his fever. We probably can’t do much more than let it run its course and try to make Merlin as comfortable as possible.” He didn’t say ‘and pray that he doesn’t die’, but Arthur heard it between the words nonetheless. But he simply nodded and got a bowl full of water and a rag to cool Merlin’s forehead.

“Also, keep him hydrated,” Gaius told him before going back to sleep. There really wasn’t much he could do for his ward now. Nothing more than what Arthur already did, after all.

Arthur stayed by Merlin’s side for the whole two days till the fever broke. He barely slept and Gaius had to force him to eat. But he wouldn’t leave Merlin’s side. Not now, when he needed him so dearly. Especially after what his father had done to him.

The next afternoon Arthur had gained hope when he had noticed that some colour had returned to Merlin’s face. A day later he was finally drifting off into a deep sleep, not the feverish restless dreams that had tortured him before, Arthur was relieved. There was still a long way to recovery for Merlin, after all that Kilgharrah had told him. But now he was optimistic. Merlin had fought through the fever, he would fight through whatever damage Uther had done to his soul as well.

When Merlin awoke a few hours later, his head hurt and his throat felt like sand paper. It took him a while to recognize his surroundings, but when he did, he was confused by the fact that he was lying in his own bed, and when he managed to turn he head he was even more confused by the fact that Arthur was sitting next to him. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Arthur didn’t love him. He certainly wouldn’t care if he got sick.

“Hwa...” he managed to croak before his raw throat made him break into a coughing fit.

Arthur took a cup of water from the night stand. He helped Merlin to drink and then placed his head back on the pillow. Merlin slowly regained his breath looked at Arthur in wonder. “You... you’re here.”

“Of course I am.” Arthur gave him a warm smile.

“But - why? Your father told me that - but no, it was a dream. Maybe it was just a dream. And all the blood, and it... it hurt so much...” Merlin’s voice was hoarse and he had to fight more coughing, but ne needed to tell Arthur.

Arthur quickly leaned over Merlin and wiped away the tears that were starting to run down his cheeks. “It’s all right. You’re safe now. Whatever my father did to you, whatever he told you, it wasn’t real. It wasn’t a dream though. But it wasn’t real either. Because I love you.”

Merlin’s eyes were dark and frightened when he looked at Arthur now. He had been certain that Uther was telling the truth, for a short moment at least. But Arthur was here, sitting next to his bed, a cup of water in his hand and his face so loving and caring that it brought the memories of the dizzying feeling of the drug much sharper into his mind than the lies he had been told.

“He told me that you wouldn’t. Love me, I mean. I didn’t believe him at first, but he sounded so, so... and there was something, he put something in the wine that made my head go dizzy and I just had to believe him. He made me hurt myself, Arthur!” The last few words Merlin whispered only.

Arthur pressed his forehead against Merlin’s. “He lied. That bloody bastard lied to you. I will never stop loving you, please believe that, Merlin. I will always be by your side.”

Merlin weakly lifted his arms and out them around Arthur’s neck, pulling his lover closer. He buried his face in Arthur’s shoulder and breathed in the warm scent of his skin. “Thank you. For saving me. And for staying with me.” He fought back a sob and pressed a light kiss to Arthur’s neck. “I love you too, Arthur.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, please leave me kudos and/or a comment :D


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